Post Partum

Playing me for a fool,

Long after we’ve gone our separate ways.

Acting like you’re a father to our child,

When you’re nothing but a dead beat excuse of a man.

Using social media to set up this pretend life that you don’t have,

Proves just how weak of a man you are.

I pray your child turns out to be nothing like you,

Because I will raise him with values and integrity.

You begged me to have your child,

Yet you know nothing about your son.

About time.

About time. .

Alone

It’s been 2.5mobths and I finally just broke down.

It just hit me that I’m a single mother. The man I always dreamed of, loved, is no longer in my life. 

I’m alone. Alone with a baby. My bed is empty. My heart aches.  My breathes are short and quick. I’m alone.

The happiest time of my life has turned into the most difficult year of my life. 

My thoughts are so scrambled. All I can think is how I just needed you to be there for me, but you never were. I bent myself in four to always hold you down. And now I’m alone, alone with an empty soul. 

While you’ll be out there, probably quick to find someone else…. I’ll be a single mother. A broken hearted single mother. 

These thoughts just don’t make sense but I’m just tired of always being strong when I need to break down. I need someone to take care of me. To hug me. To hold me. To help me. To love me. I don’t even know what that feels like. 

Tonight I lie here in my empty bed, broken-hearted and soulless . Alone.

…

There has never been a day in my life where I’ve felt more alone and hopeless.
Alone and hopeless with a baby to care for.

End of the road…

That moment when it all blows up in your face….
I’m partially to blame. Not being able to let go has always been one of my flaws.
But how can you trust again, when nothing is being done to repair the mistake?

End

After everything we’ve been through,
I think you’ve finally broke me to my core.
I don’t know what to do anymore to fix this,
But I know that I can’t go on anymore.
There is nothing I do that is right,
Your silent treatment is no way for me to live.
You’re constant anger and silence have broken me.
The sad thing is we now have a baby and he’s gonna suffer.
I’ve given you my everything, I’m empty, soulless and sad.
I hope you one day realize what I was doing and why.
It’ll probably be too late, but at least you’ll understand.
I’ll always love you, but I think this is for the best.

Baby Boy

I’ve waited so long to have you here with me,
Just a week ago today you finally became reality.
Although I’ve barely been able to hold you in my arms,
You’re the only thing I can think about.
You are the most precious being I’ve ever seen,
And all I dream about is the day I’ll be able to bring you home.
The minute I saw you I fell in love with you,
Now I can finally understand what it means to be a mom.
You are perfect. You are mine. I’m so proud to call you my son.

Lies

Everytime I think it’s ok,
Something comes and slaps me in my face.
You turn it against me and act like I’m at fault,
When you’re the one being shady.
You just can’t seem to understand the pain you inflict on me,
Yet you tell me that I treat you worse.
You don’t realize that the things you do to me,
Will always affect how I perceive you and deal with you.
Had you never cheated and been so dishonest,
None of these things would be happening.
You’ve lied, cheated, abused me and yet you still have the guts to say I treat you bad.
It hurts so much that through all this it’s supposed to be the happiest time of our lives,
But I’ve yet to ever enjoy it because of everything that keeps happening.
Ruined baby-showers, unhealthy living and probably spoiled memories cause you resort to ignoring and hurting me.
How much more am I suppose to take?

Enough?

For as long as I could remember,
I’ve always craved your love and attention.
I’ve always thought that by giving you the love, support and courage you needed you would reciprocate.
Throughout this entire journey, you’ve left me nothing but lonely and hurt.
The more I talk to you about it, the angrier you get.
I’m running out of options and it’s almost time for this baby to be here.
I keep thinking, if I leave you Id be better, but I know I’ll miss you.
I’m stuck and don’t know how to fix this.
I’m tired of giving you my all when I don’t even come close to getting half of you.
Maybe I need to give you up, you’ve always been my weakness.
When is enough, enough?

Ferguson: Ten Bloggers Speak Out

WordPress.com Blog

Many details about the violent death of Michael Brown in Ferguson, Missouri, remain unclear. What is beyond doubt is the intensity of reactions to this story — in the media and in neighborhoods all over the US (and beyond). Here are ten personal perspectives on this event and its aftermath, from writers representing a diverse cross-section of the WordPress.com community.

Image by Shawn Semmler (CC BY 2.0)

Gukira

Writer and scholar Keguro Macharia reacts with his usual incisiveness to one of the signature chants of post-Ferguson protests :

If “Hands Up, Don’t Shoot” is an expression of “humanity,” as one tweet has it, we must ask for whom that humanity is available. In fact, the insistent repetition of “Hands Up, Don’t Shoot” by black bodies across the U.S. might offer a less promising narrative: it might suggest the banality with which black life forms can never gain access to the vernaculars of the human.

“hands up, don’t shoot

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